Muffins

Craig: Muffins are cupcakes for men.

Music

Craig: Music Theory is just a theory and can't be proven. Music is a lie perpetrated by the liberal media

Crandie

Craig: I've decided to change my name when I get married, but not in the traditional way. I'm going for the hollywood power couple change. So for now on call me Crandie Chernson.

Music

Craig: (Looking through his CDs to loan me) I don't think you'll get a lot of this music.

Me: It sounds like you are saying I'm stupid.

Craig: No, I'm saying your musically ignorant. Like this band (holding a CD), you're not on the right drugs to enjoy it. You need to be on drugs or insane.

Me: So you're on music drugs?

Craig: No, I'm insane.

Night People

Craig: See, the problem is you day people think us night people are always cranky and mean. But it's only when you see us during the day, when we're cranky and mean.

Beer-Bong of Knowledge

Me: My will to study is gone. I'll wait to see my tutor and tell him to make me smart and I'll give him money.

Craig: Tell him to put the answers in your brain. Like using a beer-bong. A beer-bong of knowledge.

Questions

Me: Do you want to ask more stupid questions?

Craig: Yes.

Red Pen Fairy

Me: Do you have a red pen?

Craig: What do I look like, the red pen fairy? (After looking around) Nope, all my pens are black today.

Walking

Me: You're walking mischievously.

Damon: I'm walking with purpose.

Me: Same thing.

Miss Lee

Diana: One of my students said, "Miss Lee, what is your last name?"

Adoption

Craig: Puppies, kittens, and children, if we get them, we're getting them from the pound.

Me: So we'd adopt kids if we ever want some?

Craig: Yeah, but we're getting them at the pound, not an orphanage. Like, we actually go to the pound, there are kids there.

Fire God

Craig: You can only have one god of fire, since other gods of fire would steal his fire.

Me: Are you making polytheist jokes?

Craig: Yep.

Guy Talk

Me: Erica is writing a book and needs to talk to you to get some 'guy talk.' I told her to just end every sentence with one of the following and she'd be doing pretty well:

-up yours

-your mom

-that's what she said

Craig: Yep, that pretty much works.

Mary Poppins

Me: Why do I put up with you?

Craig: Because I'm awesome. I'm like Mary Poppins, but better.

Sparkly Vampires

Craig: If you make me see the new Twilight movie, I'll leave you.

Me: Like during the movie or you'll break up with me?

Craig: I'm not sure. Want to test it?