Acting Like Dogs

Watching a reality show about puppies.

Craig: And it just so happens that the cameras were where the puppies are?
Me: So you're implying the puppies are scripted?
Craig: Dogs 2 to play puppy.

Haircut

After I get a drastic haircut.  I'm talking long tresses to short bob.

Me: You haven't said anything about my hair.

Craig: Um, you have hair.

Monkey Children

Craig: How can anyone who has heard kids play doubt that we have evolved from apes?

Daylight Savings

Regarding Daylight Savings:

Me: I want my hour back!

Craig: It's going to take me six months to pull off that trick.

RuPaul's Drag Night

Me: Hon, if I had sex with RuPaul, would that count as a lesbian encounter I had to invite you to or one of the top ten male celebrities that I'm allowed to have a one night stand with?

Craig: Don't care.

Me: Ok.

Old Man

Me: I feel old.

Craig: You are old.

Me: But not as old as you.

(He then throws a sock at me.)

Me: Hey, that doesn't mean you can throw a sock at me, old man.

Craig: Respect your elders.

Warning About Math

I accidentally heard a PSA about meth as one for math.

Me: Craig, I was told that math is very addictive.  You only need to try it once.

Craig: I do math all the time.  Addition is the gateway drug.