Movies

Craig: You know, all movies with Nicolas Cage would be so much better if they were recast with John Cusack. If I was rich, I'd re-film all the scenes with Nicolas Cage replaced with John Cusack.

Tiara

Me: Craig, when you go downtown, will you get me a tiara?

Craig: What do you need a tiara for?

Me: What don't I need a tiara for?

Craig: No, and it's for your own good.

Me: Oh, I will get one. You cannot thwart my tiara efforts.

Puppy Munch

Me: Craig, do you ever worry that Buttercup (our dog) is not just trying to lick us, but slowly eat us, like a Tootsie Pop? Wondering how many licks it takes to get to the center...

Bad Sequel

Craig: I'm going to make a sequel to 'Mars Needs Moms.' It's going to be call 'Venus Needs Second Cousins.'