Stamps

Me: My mom offered to give us stamps for our wedding invitations. But I don't think they'll work.

Craig: Why? What's the design?

Me: The Liberty bell. Liberty seems contrary to getting married.

Craig: True.

Updates:

After showing this post to my mom.

Mom: Well, you could trade them in for the "Ball and Chain" stamps.

The Least

Craig: I can't even do the least I can do.

Laundry

Me: Craig, will you please move the laundry off the bed, I want to take a nap.

Craig: Every time I find a place to fold laundry, you tell me to move it.

Me: You mean like how you're always folding it on one of the beds?

Pony

Craig explains the differences between horses and ponies.

Craig: And Shetland ponies are the smartest ones.

Me: Can we get a Shetland pony?

Craig: No.

Me: But if it's so smart, it can run the house for us.

Craig: No, he will sell the condo to an immigrant family, change his name, and buy himself a pony ranch.