Puppies

Craig: I turn all of my opponents' weaponry into puppies.

Hospital

While visiting family at the hospital.

Me: I'm OCD, so I don't like public bathrooms, but hospitals bathrooms are the worst. I'm afraid I'll catch the Bubonic plague or something.

Craig: Oh, get over it and go pee.

Bachelor Chow

Craig: I've finally found a food both Buttercup (our dog) and I can eat and enjoy!

Me: I'm worried.

Craig: We love beef jerky.

Negative Thinking

While waiting in a hospital waiting room, I see a lot of 'The Power of Positive Thinking' posters.

Me: You never see posters for 'The Power of Negative Thinking,' which is unfortunate. There's a lot you can get done with negative thinking.