Writing

While trying to write a novel in a month.

Me: I am either writing political satire or chick lit. I'm not sure which at this point.

Beauty Contest

While watching a movie about a beauty pageant, the contestants are asked who they would have lunch with.

Craig: I would have lunch with Hitler, so then I could kill him.

Me: Can I enter you in a beauty pageant?

Movie Time

While watching a movie a about a guy in a car accident.

Me: So then he gets brain damage and thinks he's in a Lifetime movie. See, it's brain damage, because he's actually in a Showtime movie.

Craig: I always think I'm in a Lifetime movie.

Dogma

Me: If I started a religion, converts would get a free puppies.

Craig: But that wouldn't enforce the religious dogma.

Wake Up

Craig: If you didn't want me to be annoying, why did you wake me up?*

*Told at 1pm.